“I’m 34 and I’m freezing my eggs…”

Continued from previous post Information Overload.

From the information I had received so far, and what I had read online, it seemed that most people find all aspects of assisted reproduction to be physically, emotionally and financially draining. That was very much acknowledged by the fertility clinic. In fact, the clinic I attended mandated that everyone who engages in the various stages of assisted reproduction (egg freezing, IVF, etc.) attend at least one session of fertility counselling. The clinic also offered a support group service which meets once a month, facilitated by a qualified and experienced fertility counsellor, and open to any client attending the clinic,   

No one talks about it!

As time went by, I thought more about fertility specific counselling/support. Before I embarked on this journey, I never really had a conversation with anyone in my life about any aspect of assisted reproduction. No one in my family or my circle of friends had gone through something like this…that I knew of at the time. That last part is important. As I became more involved in the process I learned that it is far more common than people realise. But no one is talking about it! 

Through my own therapy I learned that being open with my close friends and family about my own mental health has helped me through tough times and this was no different. So while I have a lot of support around me, it still feels pretty lonely and isolating because they have not gone through this themselves. I discussed this with my therapist and she encouraged me to at least consider attending the clinic’s support group. I figured this might be a way to lighten the mental load and to hear from others who may be going through a similar experience.  

Before I was due to start the egg freezing process for the first time, I decided to engage in one of the clinic's group counselling session. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this session. At the session I attended there was a mix of single women (I was one of two), two married women, each attending the session without their partner, and one couple. The facilitator opened the session by saying that this was not a counselling session, that we were not there to receive advice but rather to talk about our own experiences and to ask questions from peers.

Isolation in a support group.

The support group was a new experience for me. The fact that it was not a counselling session kind of threw me a little. I was no longer sure how the session would help me, nor what I was supposed to do or say. When it came to my turn to speak, I found myself feeling very nervous and exposed. I felt somewhat pitiful as I spoke about where I was in my life and where I was in the process. I soon realised that everyone else in the group was either about to start IVF, or had been through a few rounds of IVF.

I was the only person in the room who was at the earlier stage of attempting to freeze my eggs. I suddenly felt very isolated in a situation which was designed to offer support. It was a pity that there wasn’t someone else present who was going through the same stage as me as this might have helped and possible would have made it feel more inclusive. Not that the other counsellor or other people in the group were actively dismissing my experience, or where I was in the process, or that I was being excluded from conversation, it just felt that way because I couldn’t relate to where the others were on their journeys.  

Image created using WIX AI image generator.

I left the session feeling really drained, lonely and more anxious than ever. Up to this point, I had focused on the egg freezing stage and looked no further down the road. But after the group session, all I could think of was how this was only the start and that the road ahead, if I managed to even freeze any eggs, would be just as, if not more, emotionally and physically draining and that the levels of uncertainty would go through the roof!

Moving forward!

That said, I didn't regret going to the support group. Having had some time to process it and reflect on the conversations and new information I received, I realised it was important to know from the outset the full extent of assisted reproduction and the challenges involved.  

Did it make me change my mind about freezing my eggs? No. Not at all. I still wanted to give this a try. While nothing about this process was guaranteed, if it worked and I managed to freeze some eggs, my hope was that I can go back to living my life for now and relieve the anxiety of the ticking biological clock! For that moment, I crossed my fingers and focused on moving forward with optimism!